Dead Dudes I'd Like to Date: Prologue

Seriously! Why didn't anyone tell me that anthropology wasn't all Indiana Jones, Tomb Raider and droopy boobs??? Get paid to hang out with bearded dudes? SIGN THIS GURL UP.

Lately, I've had to defend my propensity for the highly decorated male half-species.  Decorated as in beard, tattoos and glasses.  Maybe its because I like the bad boys with a side of intelligence. Maybe because there is no real right-of-passage for Western men. Or maybe its just EVOLUTIONARY SCIENCE bitches!

"Understanding is a lot like sex; it's got a practical purpose, but 

that's not why people do it normally." -Frank Oppenheimer

These dudes in Australia (already HOT!) showed about 400 women photos of men in various stages of beardedness (yes, this is a goddamn word, it was published in a scientific journal), from clean shaven all the way to 10 days growth[1].  Oh, these dudes were wicked smart because they also tracked the variable of the women's menstruation cycle.

Low-and-behold, the female participants chose the heavy bearded photos as the most attractive. Women in the "fertile phase" of the menstrual cycle were absconding to the restroom with the beard photos.  These results confirm the researchers' findings that beardedness impacts "male socio-sexual attributes" judgement by females, and that these glorious full-bearded individuals may be perceived as "better fathers who could protect and invest in offspring."

Obviously, the researches didn't expand their study to my four-prong vignette above.  I'll include my newly acquired Minnesotan vernacular to explain:

• Clean-Shaven Gosling: Hey 'der
• Bearded Gosling: Fer shure
• Tatted Gosling: You betcha
• Bearded-Bespectacled-Inked Gosling: HOT DISH!

Now that you kiddos have been introduced to this basic evolutionary concept, stay tuned for the next edition of Dead Dudes I'd Like to Date.

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[1] Dixson,B; Brooks, R (May 2013) The role of facial hair in women's perceptions of men's attractiveness, health, masculinity and parenting abilities. Evolution and Human Behavior. 34:3; 236-241.

[2] Ryan, C; Jetha, C (2012) Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. Harper Perennial.