Dead Dudes I'd Like to Date: Part I

Yes, sarcastic scientific ladies and gents, Ms. BetterInGlasses is going MINISERIES! Does a three-part blog count as a miniseries, you ask? Well, according to wikipedia, YES IT F@*KING DOES.

Since I have convinced myself that dudes with beards and tattoos are intimidated by my genius intelligence and my engineer-mind-like-way of emasculating them, I have started to put together my Fantasy Top-5 list of bearded dead dudes I'd like to date.  This will hold me over while I work on genetically engineering the perfect man.  Welcome to my brain, as it will be donated to science.

Dead Dudes I'd Like to Date:

Vilfredo Pareto

So, Freddy, above-and-beyond his mind-blowing beard, developed a power-law during his stint as an economist, known as "Pareto's Law."  It is also known as the 80/20 principle.  Freddy basically gave me some mathematical laws to make me efficient at being lazy. Hence, I LUV him.  I'm also hoping he smells like the 1860's version of Old Spice "Swagger" and tastes like bourbon, like all hot men with beards should.

Oh, well SORRY that I went off into a scented-fantasy tangent...didn't I just tell you I'm lazy? (I WILL be penning a topic on sex, pheromones and the MHC gene, so stay tuned!)

Good ol' Freddy observed that 80% of Italy (wine, gelato, buffalo mozzarella and all) was owned by 20% of the population.  But he based this on the the founding species of all genetics...peas! Twenty percent of his precious peapods accounted for 80% of the peas.  Again, biochemistry RULES.

However, I have implemented Pareto's Law into my own life, by realizing that putting in a strong 20% will lead to an amazing 80% of awesomeness.  And on the other hand, that 80% of the crap I do only leads to a mere 20% advantage for myself.  So, I tend to focus on the 20%, and laze about for the other 80.  This equates to one day of work, 4 hours of physical exercise and 1 hour on dating websites for me.  The rest is spent on watching Walking Dead and American Horror Story, reading books that make me sound smart for 20 minutes a month, and crafting up creatures with fimo or yarn.  That leaves ample time for drinking and sleeping.  Oh, and to think about awesome things to write on this blog.  And to genetically engineer the perfect man, whose enzymes produce good smells and tastes.

And, you may want to consider that 80% is way above average for the American citizen.  Eighty percent of 80 is 64%, and that's still above average...